there are no benevolent gods.
he who dwells where you can never reach
beneath whose heavenly shadow you strive to repose
i will say of that lord,
he is cruel
my god in whom i trust
surely he will save you from your self
and with the chalice of your gratitude brimming
you will drown yourself so that he may find you.
again.
to invite death upon yourself is a sin
for there can be no room for benevolent gods
in this religion of yours.
because he loves me, says the lord,
i will annihilate myself
i will be a martyr at his feet
i will be a pillar of salt
reminded, and reminder
of the superfluousness of all
that isn’t him
i will be every firstborn in Egypt
may his sword fall upon me
again and again
and again
till his kingdom is awash
with my blood, veins and heart
till i am pale, almost angellic
till i am no longer a woman with a womb
till i am no longer eve but a rib of adam
thus will i show him my salvation
—Design by Vasuki
Article 19 