Dear Freshie,
A year ago, I first entered IIT Madras. Everything about it was daunting. The incredibly smart people, the extroverted kids who were quick to bond, the fear of messing up my academics, (not to mention the huge campus) which quickly spiralled out of control until I felt like a molten ball of anxiety and pessimism.
It took me the longest time to realise a couple of things which I think I would have been better off knowing before I entered an academically over-achieving institute. I constantly felt like everyone else in my class was smarter and more informed than I was. The first semester was characterised by my sweaty palms. This was until I started talking to people and I realised that every single one of them felt the same way. I found out that everyone was just as scared as I was, and it was manifesting in different forms for different people. Did this miraculously fix my anxiety? No, anxiety was still a bitch. But at least I knew I wasn’t the only one going through this particular facet of it. Every college kid invariably goes through this. But just remember, you made it here. So many kids applied and you were one of the few who got through to your dream school. You worked hard and you made it. It wasn’t just luck or a fluke, it was all you. Don’t be so quick to talk yourself down.
To top this, I had turned into one of the most anti-social butterflies because I was scared. I clung to my cocoon of comfort, and refused to get out. It was even more difficult because I saw people around me making friends and having fun when it seemed impossible for me to do the same. I still haven’t found my niche. But one thing that made me calm down about my social life (or lack thereof) was when I decided to actively stop comparing myself to others. Yes, I had trouble talking to people. Yes, I felt like I was going to be a loner. Yes, it was hard for me. But I was beating myself up unnecessarily. It’ll happen when it happens. Everyone takes time to find their footing and college is all about you. It will be different and it will be new, and for those of us who like familiarity and comfort, this can be scary. It is important for each of us to fight our battles the way we want (heads up, Instagram might not help you with this) and recognise that growth is not linear. But as long as you do you, it can only get better. College is all about trying new things and figuring yourself out, it could be the squad hang at K Gate or it could be just you on Netflix till 3 AM, it doesn’t matter as long as you feel good.
That being said, as a person who is infinitely scared of getting out of the comfort zone fort that I’ve built, one of the things I figured out about myself was that I could deal with pushing myself a bit. I was stronger than I thought and capable of more than I gave myself credit for. In a recent trip to Goa, a wise person said, “I like the feeling of being lost simply because it means I need to go through the process of exploring which is always exciting,” and that was something I was missing out on. Sure, that also makes for a crappy, excessively corny caption but it made sense. I needed to reconstruct myself so I wasn’t so scared by the mere intensity of my life. I had to believe in myself and trust that I could make it. I had to make sure every piece of myself stuck to that simple statement so well that nothing could remove the happiness that I could get simply from being me. Each piece is a puzzle, a mystery, something I did not know about myself. This constant process of discovering myself was driving me crazy, but that’s what college is about. You. It’s about treating yourself with kindness and lots of care, and making sure that you have absolutely no regrets. There will always be the Fear of Missing Out (or FOMO which your Life Skills class will attempt to address this, albeit poorly) but you will learn to deal with it in your own way. So put yourself out there and let go of the negativity your brain will feed you. Consciously realign your priorities so you’re always first. If you don’t feel like socializing at any point, pause and take time for yourself. It’s okay. But also make sure you don’t let your doubts and your fears hold you back. You do you.
To quote Mr. Iglesias, work hard and be nice. The rest will fall in place.
Love and care,
A person who is in absolutely no position to give gyaan but still thinks she should.
Text by N. J. Sadhana
Illustration by Sanjana Acharya
Article 19 