—Vamsi Viraj
Dear S,
I sympathize with your reasons to not come have idlis with me till now. But new evidence and newer research have been vociferous in saying just one thing, that you must step out and whale on idlis with me because it’s the safest thing ever! Well they ain’t saying exactly that, but it’s the gist of their outbursts. Let me make their case point by point because the glorious history of our tiffins can’t be effaced by a puny virus. This is Bezawada woman!
First, look at these idlis. And look at Anji’s Idli Shop. It’s airy, shady, super ventilated! We just stand outside and eat. It’s a fat festively plump and masked dude wishing to make the rest of us like him in the best way possible—feeding us yummy, melting, sinful tiffins every morning. Plus the whole area gives the feel of being out of time, bereft of the chaos and nervous energy of Bez. Our hot idlis, easily cooked above 72 °C, can’t even be a transmission route for this respiratory disease. Nor can IT survive the highly acidic (<3 pH) early-morning stomachs in our young healthy selves.
The place is set up to be an open air eatery, our contact is limited to watching him cook magic, and we shall go there as the first potential customers when it opens at 6 AM. So we are being like the Japs by avoiding the 3 Cs—closed, crowded, and close-contact spaces. If anything, I’m risking my soul for one day by getting you out of a closed, crowded and close-contact space: your home! Indoor transmissions are among the biggest causes of IT.
Did you hear of the two studies done on our western bros in Digaland? The government study estimated 19 million of Karnataka would’ve been infected; it predicted only 1 in 40 infected was recorded officially. The more alarming (and questionable) study by a think-tank concluded a much higher number. While we Telugus are superior to these Kannadigas in the most important things (movies, spicy foods, and no. of capitals), we are probably as good/bad in getting IT. If more than a fourth of Karnataka were probably infected, infection rates here will be similar.
In fact, considering Bezawada is the densest city (by population/sq km) in South India, infection rates here must be much higher than Hyderabad, Chennai, or Bangalore. And it has intense daily transactions with the second densest Southern city, Guntur, situated right across the river. With most in the city wearing masks (however imperfectly), and probably half of them having been infected and recovered unknowingly, Bezawada has got herd immunity.
This means our Anji and his minions must have been either infected by now and recovered, or accumulated trace amounts of IT to be dubiously identified as positive by the most accurate tests. The unlikely case is them remaining un-infected through the last 6 months of running the eatery and feeding thousands since Unlock 1.0 (June 8). Even assuming they got infected only this past week, them being asymptomatic (and non-infectious) is far more likely than them being super-spreaders. Examining 84,000+ cases and their 5.75 lakh contacts in AP and TN showed that 5% of the infected accounted for 80% of the total positives. IT proliferates rapidly through superspreaders and not gradually from person to person. If Anji’s people had been super-spreaders, their place would have been a hotspot by now, a cluster.
Being the smartypants that you are, you’d probably ask—what if they or I were already infected and recovered, and now get reinfected? Then it’s extremely unlikely you’d be infected or infectious again since your body now remembers how to fight IT. What if, somehow, the plates got infected the previous day by another customer and we got those first thing in the morning? Then it’s most likely that they would only be carrying dead fragments of IT after all the cleaning they are subjected to. Not just here, this would have been the case for most eateries in Bez. But you know how many are currently positive in the entire Krishna district? 324, with greatly reduced doubling rates and uniformly decreasing active cases over the last two months. While the new strain definitely spreads faster, it can still be avoided by following the same safety protocols as before.
Don’t you see now? All these numbers and studies saying the same thing—girl you gotta get out, have a good time! Few weeks ago, it was Human Rights Day and you very well know what it means. It’s not just about the political rights of the West or the socio-economic rights of the North (I wonder why none calls the USSR and PRC that). It’s also about the gastronomic rights of the South Bezawada. IT can never take our freedoms… to eat idlis and punukulu anytime we wish to, anywhere we damn well want to. Just wear a mask, pick wide open spaces, try being the first one there, interact with masked individuals for short periods, maintain that distance, sanitize before and after, and bam, you’ll have the best time ever.
Hoping you have a re-think!
Yours hungrily,
V
Article 19 