Based on a true event
Content Warning: This piece contains discussions of suicide, loneliness, and mental health struggles, which may be distressing for some readers. If you are struggling or know someone who is, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. You are not alone, and help is available.
“The most depressing feeling on a Campus like IIT Madras’ is to feel alone – to feel like no one cares about you, or whether you live, die, or run circles in the sky.” This was something that an ‘anonymous’ had mentioned in one of the previous articles of this magazine, and it drew my very attention, as it could have had anyone’s. Contextually, I would rather take it out from what the person is trying to articulate. However, as it perfectly helps me to begin with what I am going to talk about, I take it for granted with an assumed consent of ‘Mr. / Mrs. / Miss. Anonymous’.
Imagine yourself sitting on a fluffy sofa in your living room on a winter vacation, watching some interesting stupidity, fiddling the remote occasionally, when you suddenly received a notification on your phone! It was a friend of yours who wanted to make sure you watch the shit that he just watched on Instagram. A little heart symbol popped up on the reel as you double-tapped on it. As the thumb knows its routine of scrolling up, new reels began to be displayed. All of a sudden, a reel popped up with the caption, ‘mention your homie’, that made you think about a lot of your homies, but due to many reasons you specifically texted that one: “bhai kaha he” (brother, where are you?). Just a minute and a few seconds away, the notification bar peeped, and it said: “I’m home, what happened?”.
You wanted to let him know that you are in a place near his hometown, so that if he for some reason is there, you may meet him. But as “I’m home” displayed, which implies you will not meet him today for sure, you left that message unattended and turned to something ‘more’ important. A couple of hours later, you send him a long voice note, answering “what happened?”.
Unfortunately, by the evening, words spread that he was missing. Everyone was so anxious, and so were you, as you were one of the people he talked to (even though it was a single-word interaction). Days passed by. ‘Bro’ was nowhere to be found. A father desperate for his slightly grown-up son to be back home safe called you, helplessly asked if you knew anything. A responsible brother texted you to let him know if you got any information on his whereabouts. All the while, your long voice note was yet to be seen.
Would it ever occur to you that if you had replied instantly as you both were online at the same time, things would be different? Would you be concerned a little more than usual for being unavailable for him despite not being too busy? Would you be harsh on yourself with regret? Or would you be more practical that you started writing to people, so that at least whoever is reading would be aware that the cost of a life could be a belated text reply?
And finally, I am very sorry to say this, but imagine that ‘bro’ took his life on the same day that he went missing. A person who considers returning to the questions above would be consumed by its magnitude by now.
A life less from millions of earthlings is nothing. But his hostel room is not three sharing anymore. His class strength is one less now. His assignment groups either have to compensate by their own toil, or they would ask for a rearrangement in the team. His mother does not have to be bothered about his whereabouts. His father just missed a chance of being a proud dad of an IITM graduate. His siblings can not quarrel with him anymore. And you, as a friend, are relieved that you do not have to reply to his texts or pick up his call.
This hypothetical context, though emitted a wide range of logical facts, ultimately highlights how crucial it is to make a person feel that he is not alone. As the Anonymous mentioned, once the thought of not being wanted by anyone anywhere emerges, that ‘who cares whatever happens to me!’ takes place, a disturbed mind would never hesitate to take their own life. And the person is right; why bother to tell you if you are too busy yourselves? Well, it is as it is. What’s the problem! People commit suicide. It is not the first time.
Fair enough. You are right. It is a choice-based world, and we cannot control people’s lives. But is killing oneself a choice? In order to create an effect, there should be a cause as is believed in the modern scientific world. It is good time we believe, at least as far as human actions are concerned, that an effect may have multiple causes.
It is delusional to assert a belated reply to a text as one among many the causes for our imaginative friend’s demise. However, can’t we be a little optimistic to say that an immediate call at the moment would have saved our ‘bro’s’ life, that the effect would have influenced slightly at the least?
How often do we ignore our friends’ messages on social media while checking the story that you posted for the ‘n’th time? How often do we press the volume button to silence our parents’ calls while we talk to that random person for hours? How good are we at telling lies that we were busy with stuff? How frequently do we leave a chat while the other person waits for our response?
Very similar to human intellectual development, loneliness is also competing with new variants and forms. A person, even though in a crowd, can be a poor fellow with no one genuine to share his feelings with. A person with around a thousand followers on Instagram does not bother to let any one of them know about his helplessness in an instance. A person living in a sharing hostel room might not feel comfortable to ask for support.
If we consider loneliness as something dangerous, we should think about a way to get through it. Holding up the multiple causes concept, the solutions can be multilayered, multifaceted, volatile and flexible as per the need. As a first step, presuming our imaginative friend as a real-life person and that the effect would be him still being with us, let’s reply to those pending messages, pick up calls from our dear and near ones, and respond quickly as far as we are free to do so. And Kudos to those who understand that altering the causes and influencing effect is much nicer than crying in a commemoration with regret.
Edited by Eva Maria Johnson
Article 19 